He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
