I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
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the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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