$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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