Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
