in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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