Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
nutella sex= disaster
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
