Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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