Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Who died my cat blue again?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
