Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
