yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He passed out mid-signature
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
