I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
