Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Randomize
