She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
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That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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