Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I wear drunk well.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
