6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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