Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
