Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
