your room smells of hookers.
And success
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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