We had to coat check the pizza.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
