I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
