we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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