i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
