It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
