pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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