So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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