paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
