My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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