dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
