i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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