If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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