I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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