My room smells like vodka and shame
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
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