all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
