You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
