How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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