I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
