I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
