I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
