I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
