just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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