I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
