I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we made out on top of his cat.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
