the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
