My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
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Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
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WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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