I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
