I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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