Umm I'm too high to move.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
