If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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