i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just want to make out with him forever
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