Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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