This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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