i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
