three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
