I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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