he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
