He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
