Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
