I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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