my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
