Porn is love you can see.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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