Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
