I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
