Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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